I Was Sexually Abused As A Child By My Own Father.

This is one topic shrouded in secrecy. Having been sexually abused as a child, I began to actually believe I enjoyed the experience. Began developing the urge for touching myself, then to further “spoil” the matter I grew up knowing my parents had an hidden stash of blue films (video tape formats of yesteryears) and sex toys. Boy did I sneak to watch those films. I began imagining myself in some of those roles. So I really am not surprised I began having sexual dreams. I was probably in JSS3 before I realized I was sexually abused . I do not know how I came to that realization but the moment I did, my relationship with my dad became turbulent.

I was in boarding house still but was closer home in Osun State this time, I didn’t get off to a good start in that school. Resumed midterm, without appropriate uniforms and with my hair plaited despite the school having a no plaiting rule for junior girls. So my hair was cut with a pair of scissors at the gate on resumption, I remember the first teacher who taught me the next day asking if a carpenter cut my hair. I loved to work a lot then, I can’t see a work undone and not do it, I will wash our class room toilets without being sent, clean a class whatever. I still sort of do it in my compound at home. Anyway this got me the label of being weird and got me less friends, nonetheless it got me a Prefect role! Hahaha

Back to the topic, can’t say the first time I thought it would be a good idea to put a candle in between my legs and press it together to get a climax or the first time I was in an exam hall and the teacher said 5 minutes more and some adrenaline will get sparked between my legs and I will purposely let it take over me till a cum(just occurred to me that I don’t experience that sensation anymore!) But I do definitely remember one holiday, my mum, my sibling and I were at her parents, I woke up one morning on my grandpa’s bed, went to greet my mum in the living room and she was looking at me with hurt in her eyes. She later told me that I had retired to bed early that night and when she came to cover me up, had found me asleep midway through a masturbation(please don’t ask me the details), and she was wondering how embarrassed she would have been if it had been her dad, my grandpa who walked in on me and not her.

Let me tell you guys, a funny experience that happened in my hostel in secondary school. Not so funny because it’s a delicate topic in the western world, it’s about Lesbianism and Gays. So I was in form 6, actually called SS3, writing our final papers, the timetable was such that most students finished two days before a few of us who took the elective course by name “Home Economics”. So that fateful day I and a few friends were in the hostel, while the whole school were in class, our hostels were far apart. Blue house otherwise called Blueberry house was at the extreme end of the school in a bush path, hence it was even more quiet for the few SS3 girls left in school who didn’t have to go to class. Actually as it turned out, only two SS3 girls remained in that hostel, a slim girl who was in the same class with me (my supposed friend who I wasn’t fond of because she used to tease my voice, she says my voice shakes like shaking idiophone) and another girl who was more fleshy than her. So as I lazied around in my hostel(which was closer to the school gates), I heard a commotion outside, and went to investigate, both girls were being led from their hostel and ridiculed by “younger” students, they had been caught having carnal knowledge of each other in their dorm by a junior student who had snuck to the hostel at break time to grab a bite. Being caught wasn’t the funny part it’s how the girl who caught them narrated it. She said she was trying to sneak in and out quietly so as not to be caught when she heard a little voice say “be careful, you know I am fragile”. Needless to say how much those two girls lost reputation in that school even years later at reunions, they are still made jest of.

And so I finished high school and moved home while I wrote JAMB and tried to secure admission into the university, but being under the same roof as my dad was too difficult for me to bear, one day I called my mother aside and opened up to her, telling her what my father, her husband had done to me. (I remember being younger and telling her what an uncle had done to me and she asked me to tell my dad who was also doing something similar, so I didn’t bother). I don’t know what I expected upon telling her but it surely wasn’t her taking me to a monastery for some nun to give me counseling or for dad to come apologize in my room or for my grand dad to quote a popular Mount Zion film titled “Apoti Eri” that preached forgiveness. Or for my only brother to disbelieve my accusation. The way my family handled it, really hurt me so once I got admission to university, I never looked back, I tried to spend holidays anywhere other than my house!

By the way when I began dating, I was sort of relieved and glad the day I first had sex, to discover I bled, so I can sort of be grateful that those experiences didn’t steal my virginity. Dad unfortunately passed on in my second year of the university and though it was a surprise being that he was hale and healthy, went on a trip and didn’t return(It was said in the autopsy that he suffered food poisoning). I still recall my last conversation with him, it was a phone call, he called me and told me to speak to his friend, for whatever reasons I do not know but I was having none of it and refused him the courtesy. When his belongings were brought back to us, I was the first to go through it, I pocketed the little cash I saw in it, noticed he had a some condoms and sex lubricant, then I put his wedding band around my chain and wore it for a few months till my mum forced me to hand it over.

Why did I wear that band? Maybe I was longing for what could have been? I will never know. One thing I do know is that I will be more vigilant with my own children and prioritize them above any man even a spouse. No spouse who is worthy to be a spouse should ever do such things to my children. Someone may say that I am strong for going through what I went through and am still balanced. Well what can I do?

When life gives you lemons, make a lemonade party!

It’s a bright a beautiful start of the weekend, TGIF! Be good to yourself and everyone around you. Make sure you check up tomorrow and come with a friend.

Still your regular host,

Weirdly yours,

Email: strongnigerianwoman@gmail.com

IG, Twitter and Facebook handle: @mysurrogatetwins

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51 comments

    1. Most movies are made out of peoples’ stories. if we all share more, you will find that most “bad” behaviors and their consequences/repercussions are quite prevalent.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hmmm,most kids are just scared of retribution from parents esp moms,especially when you don’t have that close relationship,where do u start from,am happy you came out strong(remind me to tell you my lil story )

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I knew there were other weirdos like me out there ! But I only stumble on or bump into them accidentally or occasionally.
    I appreciate your kinda person.
    Cos I didn’t see you blame anyone, or hold a grudge against anyone.
    Kudos!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank God for you Judith. I went through abuse too, so I understand your story perfectly. I am glad that you’re recovering well (or should I say you have recovered). Because that recovery can be hard mehn!…Thank you for sharing. You’re a strong woman indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

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