Since I started talking via this blog and different avenues, I have received a lot of backlash from friends and even family about my decision to be open on many delicate topics especially because I am telling them from a first hand point of view.
I have wanted to do this for a long time, though I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to go about it, but I did know I wanted to talk more about my experiences.
When I met my husband a few years ago(my forever husband), I was skeptical about telling him about my dad(not sure he even knows the full story yet), and about Uncle Ex, seeing that I was in a new town and had made a clean break. So why not keep silent about it, moreover there were no kids from the marriage to suggest I was ever married.
You see, humans tend to capitalize on secrets you share with them to bring you down when the going gets tough. With Uncle Ex for instance, I told him about dad in details while still dating as I didn’t think it was right to go into a marriage with secrets. Well my secrets remained safe till he decided that time wasn’t his friend anymore in the “fertility registry” and needed to tell friends a good reason for the break up.
You can’t imagine how that made me feel, I was barely 27, just lost my mum, Dad was gone for years by now, lost my husband, my job too and now people began looking at me like a plague? Well they say “when it rains, it pours”.
It wasn’t an easy time in my life, but I packed what was left of my pride (and my properties too, as Uncle Ex took it all) into a fast car and relocated to a mega city.
Having a supportive family and a support system helps keep hope alive. Despite how I tried to avoid family and be alone that period, the strength I received from their checking up on me can’t be overestimated. Grandma was the best. She still is the best.
So, I Speak up because I know that someone needs to hear my story and know that they are not alone. I speak up because life is too short to hold things in, I speak up because speaking up is the only way I know how. So when you tell me I speak too loudly, tell me I am disgracing my family name, ask me if I was the first person to go through these kind of experiences and so on, don’t think you are showing me love, rather know that you feel uneasy with these issues and want me to make your life easier by being silent.
Please note that I am not speaking up because I am angry, I am not that anymore. I was at a radio station a few days back to talk about child sexual abuse with my story as reference, I told as much as I was able to tell that day(somedays are harder than others), a friend later said to me; I didn’t put in the desired passion, I made him realize that my passion doesn’t come from a place of anger, bitterness and hurt anymore but from a place of rest.
That is the rest I am hoping you can find despite whatever bad thing must have happened to you. My dad is dead, I am alive, what good would being mad at a dead man do me? I will only live a bitter and poisoned life.
One thing I have come to realize, is that on this earth, everyone is simply trying to find their way and making a lot of mistakes along the way. My dad was doing just that, so was the abusive husband or wife, the rapist, the mean boss or even the robber who made you lose your loved one, etc. It hurt while it lasted but if it is still hurting when it is over, then YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS NEW HURT.
You do know that my email address and DMs are open to hear from you and help you be as joyful as I am right? I did love to hear from you!
I like Tuesdays, there is a certain peace Tuesdays give me. Today enjoy Peace.
Don’t tell me you have not followed my @surrogatetwins journey yet?