No one is above being in a situation where he or she suffers from this, its a daily occurence in home yet it is seen as a taboo or an haram to be spoken about.
Domestic Violence victims are usually tried to make them seem its their fault and they deserve the beatings they recieve.
Disagreements and quarrels are a part of everyday lives. That a partner in a marriage or relationship responds to disagreements by raising a fist isn’t the fault of the victim but the fault of whoever raised the fist.
The same person who raises his fist at his or her spouse at home won’t react same way to an heated disagreement in the work place ironically. So does that say they value their spouses less than colleagues and outsiders?
One other thing i have noticed about domestic violence perpetrators is that most of them grew up in homes where one of their parents treated the other the same way they are treating their spouse now and they had promised themselves they would be nothing like that parent when they married. Guess what/ Promises don’t make manna fall from the sky nor do repentant tears after every episode.
One more characteristic of a domestic violent person is that they exhibit traits of pride, this may not be easily identified when they are people of humble financial statuses but if you listen well enough, you will hear it.
So i had an argument with my Uncle Forever a few days back and we fought, I like to call it a fight because i talked a lot, talked a lot because his cup in my hand had filled to the brim and I was like the goat who had been pushed to the wall and saw nowhere to go but to attack. When such a goat attacks, he knows that the probability of winning that battle is slim but he also knows that the wall is no route at all.
No be the first time wey Uncle Forever and i dey fight wey he dey beat me well well. No be how person dey fat, slim, tall or short mean say them go get power to fight, na by wetin dey inside. Emotions and the will wey dey bottled up. But i still dey wonder how person go talk say them love their spouse wey dem go dey beat am. To even beat small pikin for house wey do bad dey hard me na em people dey beat people wey them profess love to.
So my right ear still get one kind dull pain three years after the first slap Uncle Forever gave me because i made him wait outside the house while i was in the possession of the house key for about 30 minutes and when he spoke i asked why he hadn’t picked up a spare key for himself almost two weeks after we had moved into our new home. We were two years married at this point and nothing can could have made me guess this could ever happen to me. My ear come dey pain me, he come dey beg me, we come go buy ear drops, as we put the ear drops inside, i screamed with pain, ran to the bathroom to try wash off the sting. Next day i was at the hospital. When asked what happen to the ear I said ‘I hit a wall’ or something similar.
So after going through this cycle many times over, I decided to report this last incident to the authorities. That was not an easy decision. I first booked a bus to run away to restart my life [that money is none refundable,gone with the wind], then i woke up ready to travel and be lost and change my sim cards as i was scared what my family will say [Judith, this is your second marriage, endure, woman no dey comot for husband house, go back home etc]. Then i saw myself going to the ministry of Justice where domestic violence is handled. I don’t even understand where the boldness came from.
I got there before they even opened their doors, eventually they attended to me and further directed me to make a complain at the police station. While in the ministry compound, i was so ashamed of myself, so ashamed for people to see me with a swollen face. You know when you are dodging people is when you see all the people you know. I saw Brother Ayo, he used to be our cell leader in our former district, I greeted him while looking away from him, he held my hand for a few minutes while asking about my husband. God bless his soul for not asking about my face.
Well that day ended with Uncle Forever appearing at the Police Station and apologizing for his actions then signing an undertaking not to hit me again.
I know many people will have an issue with me reporting my husband to the authorities, my landlord’s wife who coincidentally her husband retired from the Police Force told me that I shouldn’t have. You see how the stigmatization starts that leaves one spouse in fear, bondage or a body bag begins?
Why haven’t i filed for a divorce? I don’t know. Maybe because i take my wedding vows seriously, maybe because i have kids on the way, maybe i care about my husband, many maybes. But one certainty is that I won’t keep quiet.
So when you see me be careful what you do to me because if its not meant to be heard, don’t do it.
Ok oh, hope you have a great day. I should go check out my eye, bright lights have begun to affect it and its bringing out water.
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